Have you ever thought that a ballpoint pen could kill a person? It is a ridiculous thinking but It happened . The criminal observes everything that is happening on the road. He sees a woman giving money to a beggar and buying flowers while she is on her way to work. He started his conspiracy by putting a ballpoint pen into the mailbox. And the pen started some kind of chain reaction. First, the car ran through the puddle causing water to splash into the mailbox causing the pen to fall to the ground. After that, the old man who was drinking coffee bent down to pick it up. It surprised the bicyclist and lost the steering wheel, crashed into the counter and caused a commotion. Meanwhile, a bus arrived and the bus driver was distracted and led to an accident.
Thanks for reading.
Please check my pagagraph about the plot of the criminal genius
Moderator: EC
-
ThaoNgan
- Member
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 3:59 am
- Status: Learner of English
-
alexanderfinn
- Member
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2021 1:28 pm
- Status: Teacher of English
Re: Please check my pagagraph about the plot of the criminal genius
May I suggest a few changes? I have capitalised them here to make them clear.
Have you ever thought that a ballpoint pen could KILL? It is a ridiculous THOUGHT, but It happened . The criminal SAW everything that WAS happening on the STREET. He SAW a woman giving money to a beggar and buying flowers ON her way to work. He PUT HIS PLAN INTO ACTION by putting a ballpoint pen into the mailbox, WHICH started a chain reaction. First, A car ran through A puddle causing water to splash into the mailbox, IN TURN causing the pen to fall to the ground. After that, AN old man who was drinking coffee bent down to pick it up. THIS surprised A CYCLIST and lost CONTROL OF HIS BICYCLE, crashed into the counter and caused a commotion. Meanwhile, a bus arrived and the DRIVER was SO distracted THAT IT led to an accident.
Have you ever thought that a ballpoint pen could KILL? It is a ridiculous THOUGHT, but It happened . The criminal SAW everything that WAS happening on the STREET. He SAW a woman giving money to a beggar and buying flowers ON her way to work. He PUT HIS PLAN INTO ACTION by putting a ballpoint pen into the mailbox, WHICH started a chain reaction. First, A car ran through A puddle causing water to splash into the mailbox, IN TURN causing the pen to fall to the ground. After that, AN old man who was drinking coffee bent down to pick it up. THIS surprised A CYCLIST and lost CONTROL OF HIS BICYCLE, crashed into the counter and caused a commotion. Meanwhile, a bus arrived and the DRIVER was SO distracted THAT IT led to an accident.